Reply to your ex without starting another row

Help me reply to a message from my ex. I want it calm, short and focused on the children, not a row.

Their message: [paste it exactly]
What actually needs sorting: [e.g. pick-up time on Saturday, who pays for the school trip]
What's already been agreed: [e.g. every other weekend, half each for school costs, or nothing formal]
What I'd love to say (get it out of your system, it won't be sent): [type it here]
What I want to happen: [e.g. keep Saturday at 10am, split the trip cost]
How we usually talk: [e.g. text, WhatsApp, a co-parenting app, email]

Ask me up to 3 short questions first if anything important is missing. Wait for my answers.

Then:
1. Pick out the one or two real points in their message that need an answer, and the parts that are best left alone.
2. Write a reply that's brief, sticks to facts, stays polite, and ends with a clear, specific suggestion or question. Keep it under 80 words if you can, with no sarcasm, no blame and no going over the past.
3. Show me which bits of my "love to say" you left out and the risk each one would carry, in one line each.
4. Give me one short, calm line to use if they reply angrily, so I can avoid getting pulled in.
5. If there's a pattern worth writing down (dates, changes, costs), give me a one-line note to keep for my own records.

Write it as if a judge or my children might read it one day. This is help with wording, not legal advice. If I mention any risk to me or the children, tell me plainly to call 999 if in immediate danger, or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (Refuge), and NSPCC 0808 800 5000 / Childline 0800 1111 if a child is at risk. Only use what I've told you, leave blanks for anything I haven't given, and don't invent facts or figures. UK English.

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